oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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