so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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