Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
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