You just made me feel so damn special
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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