did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
