Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
