my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
