can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize