nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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