Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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