god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
