I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
farters have to be the big spoon...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize