So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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