My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
