Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
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