can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
