Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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