I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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