I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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