So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
