I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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