fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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