So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
