I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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