Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
