i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
