dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
