he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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