just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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