Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
