I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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