i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
