i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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