proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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