he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
