i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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