I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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