if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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