Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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