Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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