i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm always down for nudity.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
