I hate your face
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
