Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks

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(586): View more from Michigan

sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.

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(712): View more from Iowa

He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.

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(816): View more from Missouri

no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.

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(815): View more from Illinois

Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.

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(785): View more from Kansas

I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.

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(765): View more from Indiana

Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick

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(505): View more from New Mexico

He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing

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