I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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