So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I did not marry a roomba.
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