Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Green mimosas i think yes
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
