You can't motorboat a personality
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
