Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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