I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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