don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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