Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
