Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
