dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize