sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize