Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
