It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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