You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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