He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I think my fart just growled at me.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
