jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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