All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Ketchup is God's man juice
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
