Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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