There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
honey bunches of taint.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
