Your face is a jimmy john
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
