she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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