They should really pass out barf bags in church
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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