There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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