Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
