apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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