I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
