I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize