Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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