im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
