I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
