textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
