i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
