I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
