im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
