goodnight i made you a song goodbye
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
