2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
my sisters under your porch take her home
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
