im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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