I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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