you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We don't watch enough power rangers
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Congratulations! We have a period
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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