Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
