ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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