I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
