But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
