I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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