hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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