Sry I called you an 8
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
