In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
