after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
