If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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