Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
