I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
