i don't like sucking hair
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
