I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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