She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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