That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
