my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
